Peewee's standards

I wanted to take a moment and write about Peewee’s environmental diagnostic laboratory (EDL).  For of those of you who haven’t had the unpleasant experience of meeting Peewee count yourself lucky.  Peewee is one of two people in the New River Valley area whom I’ve never heard a single person say anything good about them (the other is a guy by the name of Joe who runs a research center locally).  In any event, I don’t want to drone on how terrible Peewee is.  This particular blog post is for the amusement of the many people who I have befriended over the years that have jumped ship and left employment at Peewee’s company (in addition to those unfortunate souls still trapped there).

For those of you who don’t know, I use to rent laboratory space from Peewee; however, the rent slowly became too rich for my blood.  In his ever so gracious nature, Peewee offered me an option that was supposed to be to my benefit.  That is, I could use part of Peewee’s EDL space and through consolidation (i.e. downsizing) my rental fee would be more palatable.  As it turns out, nobody wanted to work in Peewee’s EDL (or for Peewee, period) so over the years it continually shrank in size both in terms of people and projects.

In any event, after spending a few weeks in Peewee’s EDL (while waiting for Peewee to get his company reinstated with the VA SCC as well as deliver a lease agreement) I noticed some interesting things that made me really begin to wonder how is it that Virginia is so stupid as to hire Peewee to do anything lab-wise?  For example, I found it quite interesting that volumetric flasks containing stock solutions used in tests (I’m guessing standardized by the EPA?) were sealed with glass stoppers with a sliver of tissue paper wedged between the stopper and the ground joint (see above)!  I’m guessing they should be better termed “variable standardized solutions” seeing that not only would volatile titrants evaporate but so would the solvent (i.e. water).  Possibly this sort of chemistry does not require accurate knowledge of things like concentration?  More likely, this is a new science that is standard for those with ABT or EBD designators in place of a real degree abbreviation.  I also found it amusing that the acid storage cabinetry for the base cabinet of the fume hood had a flammables sticker (see below) slapped across it when indeed it is not rated for flammables.  Despite my pointing this obvious fact out I was dismissed (by the god Peewee) as not knowing what I was talking about.  I could go on about how the EDL hood lacks any lab scaffolding, didn’t have water service and was missing access panels (covered originally with trash bags) but why digress?  The sales rep for the manufacturer of this hood chuckled when I called in context to replacements for the latter stating that the model in question hadn’t been made for almost 30 years.

The last straw for me was once a lease agreement was delivered not only did I discover that use and storage of reagents in Peewee’s EDL was forbidden but that large swaths of space that were supposed to be occupied by my company were actually not included in the lease CAD figure.  According to Peewee, a chemical consulting and R&D for hire operation (like the one I run) doesn’t need chemicals to do business.  Hmm, maybe I missed out on something by getting a Ph.D. instead of an ABT or EBD?   Moreover, I also was required (by the lease) to undergo laboratory training from the EDL manager.  In passing conversations where the manager was ignorant of what abbreviations like NMR stood for (and my casual observations of various things in the EDL) I realized that despite the entertainment value that such training would provide in the end it would be a royal waste of my time.  Next time around I’ll have to see if the EDL manager (former DEQ) can teach me how to insert tissue into ground joints without having it fall into the variable concentration (aka standardized) stock solution…