Sam began his journey in the GM’s lab in earnest.  One thing stood out almost immediately, the equipment and everything else in the GM’s labs were antiquated and in most instances substandard.  This would prove almost fatal to Sam in the not too distant future in addition to almost permanently handicapping his right hand but for the present time Sam was content that this was where he would learn to become a great scientist.  In the GM’s lab Sam received some minor training in the use of what was called a glove box.  In retrospect he noted that the GM’s glove boxes were far from being cutting edge even compared to those commercially available from the 1950s (some 40+ years ago).  Sam’s 20/20 hindsight recount of this was that not only was the bulk of the equipment substandard but so were most of the skills of the chemists who were part of the herd.  For example, one student activated molecular sieves in a convection oven at a little over 100 °C.  No one knew how to transfer liquids properly into a dry box or simple skills such a freeze-pump-thaw degassing of liquids.  There was only one Schlenk line in operation and it was questionable in construction not even possessing a mercury bubbler.  Sam told me about how one time a 500 mL Erlenmeyer flask literally disintegrated in his hand while attempting to remove a ground stopper from its corresponding opening.  By some miracle Sam wasn’t hurt because he told me the particle size of glass left was extremely fine (not a single large piece).  We will see later on how such faulty, heavily used glassware would return to bite Sam in the behind with the GM nipping at his heels.  The chemical storage was in shambles (one example is shown here).  Bottles with contents leaking and whiskers of volatile materials that had condensed on the cabinetry were not uncommon.  Lab drawers half hazardly stuffed with an assortment of useless junk were numerous.  Not only did Sam never receive any sort of lab safety training while at The University of Asscrack but the people in the GM’s lab further entrenched unsafe practices into his lab skills set.  For example, it was common practice to transfer liter quantities of volatile solvents out on the lab bench itself with no ventilation.  Sam strongly believes that it was his stint in the GM’s lab that led to him developing asthma, a condition that he did not have prior to working there.

Still, Sam was initially content and he found the process of devising his so called “original” project fun.  The GM made a big deal of telling Sam that a project in his lab not only had to be unique but it had to have commercial application.  Furthermore, the GM made it clear that students would share in the rewards stemming from any inventions made in his laboratory.  Sam thought back to a cartoon hanging in the hallway that was supposedly penned by the GM himself.  It showed a thin research scientist standing in front of an obese manager who conveniently resided behind a desk not unlike what the GM sat behind with a word bubble rising from the manager’s mouth.  This word bubble contained a sentence to the effect, “Thanks for your idea, here is a cookie.”  According to the GM such things would not occur under his watch and it was meant as a mockery of industry.  But again this leads me to another departure from Sam’s story.

One thing that I have never quite figured out is how certain events occurred according to the GM biography.  According to the story line his academic career as a graduate student somehow managed to continue not long after the defeat of the goose steppers by the red tide (and US of A) but the sickle of the latter group apparently cut short GM’s completion of his degree (possibly he helped too many grannies get to the bakery?).  I’ll have more to say on what Sam told me the GM had to say about the leader of the labor movement country later in the story (sorry for yet another digression).  Next the GM (miraculously) managed to move to the Van Trap family’s former country and was subsequently awarded a Ph.D. prior to traveling to France and then Canada.  This at times makes me wonder if the workings of operation paperclip or something similar may have been going on in the background for I could surely see the managers of such an operation thinking it funny to bestow the GM moniker on this individual.  From there he managed to enter the US and work shortly for a German company (one of their factories is about 45 minutes from me and is stinky) and then big oil (think of tons of birds and seals being covered in oil in a cold environment) and while with the latter company not only went to Japan but somehow managed to work with the best known (American) scientists in his field of study.  This is all finally before making it to The University of Asscrack.  Now, back to Sam…